Kat hosted an excellent welcome to summer party and now summers almost over.
I'm starting school in two weeks.
For three years.
After eight years in the world.
I'm a bit freaked out.
It feels like this summer is evaporating quickly, and I feel like again I haven't done the things I wanted to do. Part of that may be the work thing: I took a second job, and have had no weekends and little energy to go out. I missed almost all the concerts I want to go see (no age, les savy fav, boris, crystal castles and the sasquatch festival), there is still radiohead and beck coming up, although I'm not sure I can get the time off work for either of those.
I'm feeling a little lost.
Barack Obama said sometimes you have to be the change you need, or something like that. He seems smart. I've been more depressed in the last week than I have been all year, and I've been thinking about those words. a lot.
I'll be 26 in a few months. I start school. Kat is leaving, Tyler is getting ready to go school abroad, All the svelte boys are awol or mia. my bands never happened. I feel like the small life I cling so fervently to is running through my fingers, scattering away in the winds, and I'm worried that without these people and this life I will have nothing. None of these changes feels like the change I need or want, and I thought after San Francisco I wouldn't be so afraid of being that change that I need.
I'm starting school. that's a huge positive change, I think I just don't feel it yet because it is still abstract. and the ennui I feel lately is probably missing kat/jealousy, and really being lonely for making out. efforts redoubled. onward christian soldiers. sigh.
God give me the strength the change the things I can, accept the things I cannot, and a time traveling cybernetic velociraptor and spacesuit so I can ride around in style while I reshape your stupid world to my vision.
